That's how I feel these days. Slowly moving under water, coming up for air, going back down again, but still surviving.
Our sweet Beth left this earth on May 31, 2015. It feels like a lifetime ago and then some moments it rushes back to the present and leaves us gasping, begging for it not to be true.
My grief feels self indulgent. Her children , her husband and her mother are the ones who undoubtedly hurt the worst, who lost the most. We all lost so much. All I can do is pray that I can offer my hands for help, and be the aunt, sister-in-law and daughter-in-law they deserve.
I also live with Beth's big brother, who was her friend and protector. I also live with her beloved niece and nephew, who screamed and cried and raged at the loss. I want to love them through this. We are still so angry, hurt, tender and raw. Dear Lord--help us.
Today my mother-in-law is in Asheville staying with my niece, who is attending a summer Ballet program there. We miss them and we are descending upon them this weekend, summer storms and all. My brother-in-law and nephew will also meet us there. Today Olivia and Nate are also returning from a week at a mission camp in Tennessee, and we'll hit the road tomorrow to head west again. They can't wait to see their grandma and cousins. It's something to look forward to. We need these little things; one step, one breath at a time.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Before I forget!
I must make a note of this special day before it flutters away in this whirlwind we call life! In the past year or so our faith as a family has been ...challenged to say the least. Today, though, I had the untainted joy of seeing the second of our two kids get baptized.
It's so humbling to know that both of our children have the courage to say, "OK, whatever this world throws at me, I can take it on with God beside me." Thank goodness. Life is too hard to go it alone, and as much as we try to be there for them, parents don't have that omnipresent thing going on.
Today also snatched me from ruminating in how Nate is firmly entrenched in pre-adolescence and all the wonderfulness that entails. In just the past week, our communications have included such gems as arguing over whether he should wear a collared shirt to a school event, which very nearly resulted in the two if us rolling out onto the lawn with me struggling to wrestle said shirt over his head.
Just the other day he received a lengthy lesson in how to properly apologize after telling me, "I'm sorry I snapped at you to stop singing. It's just that you sounded kinda stupid." Yeah.
The thing is, every now and then his face still looks exactly the same as when he was about two, when I was his Person, and he didn't want me out of his sight for a second. Singing or not.
But today-TODAY- he was back to his sweet self and even let me hug him in front of his friends. I'd better work on developing a new coping technique for the years to come since he probably shouldn't get baptized every week.
It's so humbling to know that both of our children have the courage to say, "OK, whatever this world throws at me, I can take it on with God beside me." Thank goodness. Life is too hard to go it alone, and as much as we try to be there for them, parents don't have that omnipresent thing going on.
Today also snatched me from ruminating in how Nate is firmly entrenched in pre-adolescence and all the wonderfulness that entails. In just the past week, our communications have included such gems as arguing over whether he should wear a collared shirt to a school event, which very nearly resulted in the two if us rolling out onto the lawn with me struggling to wrestle said shirt over his head.
Just the other day he received a lengthy lesson in how to properly apologize after telling me, "I'm sorry I snapped at you to stop singing. It's just that you sounded kinda stupid." Yeah.
The thing is, every now and then his face still looks exactly the same as when he was about two, when I was his Person, and he didn't want me out of his sight for a second. Singing or not.
But today-TODAY- he was back to his sweet self and even let me hug him in front of his friends. I'd better work on developing a new coping technique for the years to come since he probably shouldn't get baptized every week.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
The Embarrassment of Nate, Part 124
The scene opens on a frosty March Friday. The kind that will eventually make it to around 65 degrees once the sun comes out, if it ever does. But for the moment it was foggy, cold and damp and I couldn't help but cringe when Nate came bounding down the stairs in basketball shorts and t-shirt.
He headed out the door a minute before I did, forgetting his sweatshirt, which was draped on the arm of the couch. I grabbed it for him and and walked up to the bus stop to hand it over, just as the bus was pulling up.
Yeah.
The driver saw me and opened the door, so I stepped up onto the bus for a millisecond and handed the sweatshirt to my horrified son. No big deal,right?
As soon as I arrived back home, I was greeted with an explanation of how very, very wrong this was of me.
"Mom! Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared! Even the EIGHTH GRADE girls in the back!"
I replied that maybe those girls should get a life.
His reply: "They HAVE lives,Mom! They have lives in which their MOTHER doesn't get on the bus to give them a jacket!!"
OK. I guess it's time Nate should have one of those lives too. Sigh.
He headed out the door a minute before I did, forgetting his sweatshirt, which was draped on the arm of the couch. I grabbed it for him and and walked up to the bus stop to hand it over, just as the bus was pulling up.
Yeah.
The driver saw me and opened the door, so I stepped up onto the bus for a millisecond and handed the sweatshirt to my horrified son. No big deal,right?
As soon as I arrived back home, I was greeted with an explanation of how very, very wrong this was of me.
"Mom! Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared! Even the EIGHTH GRADE girls in the back!"
I replied that maybe those girls should get a life.
His reply: "They HAVE lives,Mom! They have lives in which their MOTHER doesn't get on the bus to give them a jacket!!"
OK. I guess it's time Nate should have one of those lives too. Sigh.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Winter Stuff
Snow day today! Well, snow day in Charlotte, which really means ice day, but whatever! No school and my office actually ca-losed, which almost never happens. A brief rundown of recent happenings at Casa de Pellin:
We got back Sunday night from a visit to Pinetown to see the extended fam. Completely glorious to see them. We all reveled in the company of cousins, both kid and grown-up ones. Nate and Bobby's two older boys tromped around in the woods and fields for hours, we hit a local bakery and got to enjoy both Parker's bbq and Bill's hot dogs. Liv also went on a little photo tour of town with Uncle Larry. Can't wait to get back. It had been too long.
On the table lately: beef strew, chicken casserole, chicken tortilla soup, kale and bean soup, and all things comfort. Looking forward to a pancake night soon. Liv will happily eat salad that night. Weirdo. Tonight we will likely gobble up our snow day provisions, two frozen pizzas. Over the weekend Holly reminded me of when Dominos first came to Washington when we were teenagers and they didn't deliver out to us so we had to meet the driver half way. I had completely forgotten that.
Looking forward to: meeting up with my Dawn in Greensboro for lunch and girlie time this Saturday, weather permitting. Cannot wait. Also planning to see the movie Still Alice soon with some friends from work.
Current state of Nate: Looking forward to spring rugby. Tried the winter session and loved it.
Still liking middle school although he says he wishes he was in a calmer class.
Current state of Liv: Looking forward to FBLA trip in March, and picking out her courses for - gulp- high school. That's enough about that.
Tomorrow they're calling for more frigid temps and possible flurries. Send the St. Bernard's for us.
We got back Sunday night from a visit to Pinetown to see the extended fam. Completely glorious to see them. We all reveled in the company of cousins, both kid and grown-up ones. Nate and Bobby's two older boys tromped around in the woods and fields for hours, we hit a local bakery and got to enjoy both Parker's bbq and Bill's hot dogs. Liv also went on a little photo tour of town with Uncle Larry. Can't wait to get back. It had been too long.
On the table lately: beef strew, chicken casserole, chicken tortilla soup, kale and bean soup, and all things comfort. Looking forward to a pancake night soon. Liv will happily eat salad that night. Weirdo. Tonight we will likely gobble up our snow day provisions, two frozen pizzas. Over the weekend Holly reminded me of when Dominos first came to Washington when we were teenagers and they didn't deliver out to us so we had to meet the driver half way. I had completely forgotten that.
Looking forward to: meeting up with my Dawn in Greensboro for lunch and girlie time this Saturday, weather permitting. Cannot wait. Also planning to see the movie Still Alice soon with some friends from work.
Current state of Nate: Looking forward to spring rugby. Tried the winter session and loved it.
Still liking middle school although he says he wishes he was in a calmer class.
Current state of Liv: Looking forward to FBLA trip in March, and picking out her courses for - gulp- high school. That's enough about that.
Tomorrow they're calling for more frigid temps and possible flurries. Send the St. Bernard's for us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)