Father's Day

So, a great morning that started with M opening gifts from us and having a big waffle breakfast. Church was pretty wonderful too; Olivia got to show off her mad acolyte skillz last week and this week she gave Emma a little tutorial and she had her turn. Very sweet.
The afternoon, however, was a little. . .mixed. The kids and I went over to see my dad to give him a card and some homemade cupcakes. I also have a photo collage in the works to put by his bed but it wasn't ready yet. So we went over and he was dressed nicely as usual, thanks to Danny, the newest of our three caregivers.

But, here's the thing. Due to the Parkinson's, or the Alzheimer's, or whatever evil I can blame this thing on, my dad is losing his ability to speak. He can gurgle the occasional word or two, but mostly he just stares. He tries to smile when he sees the kids, and he reaches out for them---they still snuggle up to him, God bless their hearts. I love them so much it hurts sometimes, I swear.
I often think how this must be so scary for them, seeing someone they remember as being so strong and capable turn into someone they barely recognize.

Or maybe, it's just scary for me.

Because these two children that I live with, the same ones who can drive me straight up a wall, the same ones who I nearly offered up for sale yesterday at the Farmer's Market when they whined for a drink two seconds after we were out of the car---they're not afraid. To them, he's just Grandpa, and he's sick but he's still kissable and huggable and worthy of all their Sunday School artwork.

The fact that I may never hear my dads voice again---and God, right now I'd even settle for him on his grumpiest days, days when he was telling us all to go to hell---this makes me want to scream. But seeing these two munchkins climb on their grandpa like the old days, makes me think I can hold it in another day.

Leaving This Place

Last October I visited my dad's house, the house I grew up in, to say goodbye. I've come across these photos in my camera dozens of times since then, but I haven't really felt like sitting down to pore over them just yet. It's still a tender spot.

I could be all dramatic and say that our family farm was one more sacrifice to the gaping jaws of Alzheimer's, you know, if I was into that sort of thing. If I was into saying that sort of thing, it would be true.

I hated doing this. Selling the house and surrounding farmland was necessary in order to ensure my dad has quality care for the rest of his life. More specifically, to ensure that we have Jimmy, and at least two others like him, for the rest of Daddy's life.

I know, I know. At least we had something to sell. At least we had a family member, also a farmer, willing to make a fair offer right away. At least I'll still get to go back and visit family, and drive by and show the kids the woods that I played in, and the backyard that they themselves also ran wild in until dark, gathering fireflies in jars. I wonder if they'll remember.

Here's what I used to envision: The kids would one day learn to drive a tractor, tutored by my dad. They'd also learn how to steer a fishing boat, and set flounder nets in the Pamlico Sound. I never really learned how to do those things; doing stuff in the kitchen with my mom was more fun. But they would have loved it. I know it.

But here's the kicker: they'll still get a chance. Even though I was an only child, my parents, mercifully, were not. I'm the grateful kin of many aunts, uncles and cousins who would be happy to show Liv and Nate all the wonders of country and river life as they grow older. They have so much to look forward to, and I can't wait to witness it all.

Here's a few pictures I snapped during that weekend in October.

My dad's workshop, the site of many family gatherings and holiday oyster roasts



The view from behind the shop



I love being home at harvest time.



During the Alzheimer's charity walk with Uncle Bobby and Aunt Sybil


Pop-up Baby Rhynn.



Feasting on Parker's Barbecue on our way home to Charlotte.

Random updates. . .

Current state of Olivia: She's about to break her mother's heart by turning nine. Nine! How could she? She's about to pop a gasket with excitement. There's a sleepover party planned. (sigh--I finally caved). I've been avoiding the inevitable slumber party for a couple years now, but we figured we'd better go ahead and let this happen BEFORE having the carpet in the den replaced. Clever, huh?

Current state of Nate: Loving little league again this year. His team has green uniforms and they elected to call themselves the "Leprechauns"---heh. Not exactly a name that strikes fear in the hearts of their opponents, but eh, whatevs. They're adorable 6-year-olds, whether they like it or not. To his great relief, Nate's been invited to spend the night with his cousin Ethan during the Big Sleepover.

Current state of Casa Pellin: We're OK. As usual, we have grand plans for the yard that may or may not come to fruition depending on the bank account and whether or not we even remember what we'd planned. :)
Today we did some yard work, then we all showered and decided to go splurge on a nice lunch. We hit this new place called "The Counter" over at Southpark, where you can get burgers cooked to order, and awesome fries and onion rings. Deeelish. We sat on the patio and basked in the afternoon rays and soft breezes.

Tomorrow after church we'll swing by my dad's so he can see the kids decked out in their Easter duds. The kids have a little basket for him with various goodies that I know he'll enjoy. If nothing else, the chocolate will guarantee us a few peaceful moments with him. These days, a snacking Grandpa is a pleasant Grandpa.

Right now I'm trying to decide if we should have lettuce leaves for dinner since we had an unusually big lunch or if I should bother to put together an actual meal. Hmmmm. We went a little crazy with dyeing eggs---maybe egg salad? To be continued. . .at the moment the kiddos are furiously working on some artwork to leave the Easter Bunny, Hubs is banging out an article on his laptop and Jack Johnson is wafting from the stereo. Nice. Not a bad way to start the weekend before spring break.

Winter Dixieland

Ahhhh, is there anything more gratifying than a full, piping hot cup of coffee, a fully charged laptop and a blanket of snow outside the window? I think not, people.

So yesterday at about 4 p.m. we actually started to get some more of the white stuff---when there is frozen participation falling from the sky outside a southern office building, well it's a hilarious site. Well-educated business-types clammer over to the window in their high-heeled pumps just to get a glimpse. Add to that the excitement over the fact that it was Friday afternoon, and you've got yourself a totally giddy atmosphere.

Last night happened to be the night that Hubs was an overnight host for Room In The Inn at our church, a program that takes in overflow from the men's shelter uptown and puts them up in church basements and such. It's usually a good time, he enjoys listening to the men's stories and sharing some of his own, and the other church volunteers feed everyone well. But when the snow continued to pile up the kids and I were a little concerned about how Daddy would get home in the morning.

I tried to keep everyone distracted, making popcorn ordering up a rare pay-for-view movie (Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs) and breaking out the Valentine's cookies a couple days early. After the movie, though, Nate was still fretfully looking out the window, asking if we could just go get Daddy. Poor kid. No matter how much he might be a total "mini-me" of his dad on the outside, on the inside he's a natural-born hand-wringer like his mom.

Eventually everyone settled down and we watched the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. The kids were pretty enthralled with the Parade of Nations, but then poor Liv, who has yet another cold, drifted off early. The power started flickering a little before the lighting of the torch and we ended up tromping upstairs to my room, huddling with flashlights and books. We had our own sleepover, with me sandwiched between Kicks-a-lot and Snory, respectively.

This morning I started making breakfast at around 7, and got to hear "Naaaate! Mom's making her famous doughnuts!!" Heh. Funny thing is, she KNOWS they're made with canned biscuit dough, but I still get all the credit. Eight-year-olds rock.

Hubs burst through the door just as we were shaking the cinnamon sugar onto the fried wads of dough. He was bearing some leftover breakfast casserole and snow-crusted boots. Our boy climbed him like a tree.

I checked on Jimmy and Dad last night and Jimmy assured me they were fine, albeit a little stir-crazy like the rest of us. Hopefully the roads'll improve later so I can run to the drug store for him and bring Dad our Valentine's gift of chocolate cherries (his fave) and some cards the kids made.

Oh, and those dang roads better also improve so I can get to Deejai Thai tonight. Mama needs some coconut curry shrimp!

Snow! And. . .snot.

Well, we finally got a snow day even though it came on an early Saturday morning. It's an icy, crusty snow- - -perfect for sliding down the hill in the backyard at top speed and making your mother nearly faint while she watches from the window. Visions of crashing into the back fence and a trip to the ER on icy roads flash before me---I can't help it. It's how I roll.

It's all lovely to look at, but I also woke up on Saturday with the worst head cold of my forties (okay I just turned forty in September but TRUST me, it's bad). Mark and the kids are hustling in and out, alternately piling on layers and peeling them off at the back door.

Lord, but I love watching the kids play in the snow. It's amazing to watch our Liv, with all her usual bossiness towards her little brother, turn into his faithful servant out there. She gleefully pulls him around on our little plastic sled while he beams and holds on with white knuckles.
We've also witnessed her tighten the velcro on his hat's chin strap so it fits more snugly, and help him up after he's sprawled like an overturned box turtle after snow angel making.

I'm getting a little stir crazy already but I have to admit since I'm sick it would be sooo nice if my office was closed tomorrow. The kids' school is almost guaranteed to close since there's no way the buses are gonna be able to get down some of our more rural roads in the morning. Gotta love a southern school district.

I've checked on my dad and Jimmy assured me they're fine. I brought over some groceries on Friday and Jimmy also made a last-minute run Friday night while Sherwin stayed with my dad. It's good to know that even though he might be confused and a little grumpy, at least he's safe and warm and has all the Fil-Am specialties he can eat. That's Jimmy's term for Filipino-American food---apparently my dad's new fave. :)

And so 2010 begins. . .

Today I found myself in a strange, yet wonderful place. My dad is now in a one-bedroom apartment close to my house, after finishing up his rehab at the skilled nursing center.
My family, Jimmy and I all decided this was the best solution for now since my dad becomes so agitated in facilities surrounded by other residents and often there just isn't enough staff to ensure that he won't fall nearly every dadgum day.

So, last week I took a couple days off and had his furniture moved from a storage room at his former assisted living center to the new digs. Jimmy and three to four other caregivers will be caring for my dad around the clock in shifts. Today, Jimmy was there with Sherwin, a young CNA graduate, also from the Phillipines, who is Jimmy's apprentice of sorts. Sherwin has also worked with my dad at the skilled nursing center as well as at Sunrise, but this will be his first time working with a patient in a private home.

Today the kids and I stopped by to drop off some prescriptions and groceries and check in with Dad. Nate was still in his Tae Kwon Do uniform after his Saturday morning class and he proudly showed Sherwin some of his "moves." Turns out Sherwin knows a little karate, and within minutes, the two of them were playfully wrestling around, with Nate laughing so hard his face turned bright red. Guys just don't need ice breakers, I guess.

Meanwhile Liv chatted with my dad a bit, who was looking rather spiffy in one of Mark's old Nautica sweaters. I peeled a tangerine for him and he nibbled it while he calmly watched the kids play. Jimmy had some soup cooking on the stove and it smelled delicious; he told me it was mostly cabbage, with some carrot, onion and a bit of pork for seasoning. Maybe it was the pork, but it smelled pretty much like anything else my grandmother would've boiled on the stove.
I made a sandwich for the kids and Dad and while they ate Jimmy served up a bowl of the soup and put it alongside Dad's sandwich. He then slowly and deliberately ate every bite.

I watched this scene with a mixture of awe and amusement. Here was my dad, who in years past would never even touch Chinese food, now eating a Filipino-inspired dish with his peanut-butter and jelly sandwich in a little kitchen in Charlotte. Meanwhile, my kids were sprawled on the floor watching "I Robot" with Will Smith, with their new long-lost friend Sherwin, 20 years their senior and from an island 2,000 miles away.

Sometimes it just blows me away, the places life takes us. I mean, it really blows my freakin' mind. I'm feeling hopeful about this change, but as always, I have my fingers crossed. Always.

Christmas time ,and catch-up time

Lots of things to journal about later; we've got some big changes coming up. But for now here's some random pics from November and December.


Here's Liv backstage at the American Girl show, waiting to go on.


Another backstage shot; that's about $3,000 worth of American Girl dolls in the background!


Time to strut! Liv showed a confidence I've never quite seen before; she was having a blast.


Exiting the stage with cousin Emma.


Here's Nate, er, enjoying the show.


Perusing the menu at Cabo Fish Taco.


One happy hot chocolate girl at Zada Jane's Cafe last weekend.


And oh yes she did drink every drop!


Our waitress noticed I popped a Sudafed with my water, and she brought me my coffee in this! Love that place.

Well that's it for now! Have a wonderful holiday!